Leaked Trailer For Dirty Dancing ‘Snyder Cut’ Reveals New Character Design for Abortion Doctor.

It’s been over 30 years since Dirty Dancing debuted in theaters, treating fans and critics alike to the time of their life with an energetic coming of age tale about loss of innocence, the mambo and back alley medicine. While the story is still an audience favorite, and has held up well from most angles, that hasn’t stopped HBO from commissioning a remake. Hoping to cash in on the buzz created by the release of the ‘Snyder Cut’ of Justice League, HBO has tapped the director to remake as many films as possible, starting with Baby, Johnny and the summer staff of Kellerman’s resort.

“At first I was going to say no, I mean what a stupid idea, I wasn’t even involved with the film. Then when I saw the budget, I knew I was in. Then the question became about what angle I could take. My first thought was to really build the battle for ‘Baby’ into an epic fist fight between Jake Houseman and Johnny Castle culminating in the reveal that both characters mom’s had the same first name. This would lead to the doctor and the dancer forging an alliance in the sequel. That idea was shot down pretty quickly.”

The director said the inspiration came to him after he locked himself out of his car and was trying to jimmy the door open with a coat hanger.
“The abortion doctor was one of the most important characters in cinematic history, he has a story that needs to be told. The fact that he didn’t have a second of screen time gave us a lot of leeway. I could even make him an owl if I wanted to…” said the “Legend of the Guardians” director and noted nocturnal bird fetishist.

“The only things we really know about this character are that he charges $250, and that he uses a dirty knife and a folding table. Now, $250 in 1963 works out to a little more that $2100 in today’s dollars. I don’t have the data in front of me about the effect of inflation on knives and folding tables, but I think we can all agree that’s not a lot of overhead. What does he do with his money besides buying super villain headgear? I think the answer is going to make an excellent film.”

When asked about possible push back on the changes, he scoffed: “What do you want me to do? Dig up Jerry Orbach and Patrick Swayze for reshoots? Well, I asked – they won’t let me. It was this or trying to CGI Jennifer Grey’s old face back and we’ve seen how hard that kind of thing is. You saw the nightmare attempt to wipe a moustache off of Superman, undoing bad plastic surgery is obviously impossible.”

“Honestly, we haven’t even scratched the surface on the guy’s backstory. Does he play a Smokey and the Bandit style cat and mouse game with law enforcement? One can only assume he’s quite popular at the local dirty knife and folding table store. The additional 90 minutes of run time is really going to round out the story”

With this move, along with giving similar ‘Snyder Cut’ treatment to recently acquired properties such as “Citizen Kane”, “Casablanca”, and “I’m Gonna Git You Sucka”, HBO President of Programming Casey Bloys hopes to bring much needed attention to their new streaming service HBO Max which currently has 12.6 million subscribers.

Bloys is quoted as saying “Nobody puts Amy [Hodge, HBO V.P. of Original Programming] in the corner, except her complete lack of original ideas.”