In a move that can only be described as inspirational, Irwin Marvinson (46 but looks 68), the world’s sickest man, upped his game earlier this week and slipped in an icy parking lot.
“You know, some people would coast after holding the title of world’s sickest man for 8 years straight, but that’s not how I was raised.” Marvinson told reporters. “I live my life by the Japanese principle of Kaizen or constant improvement. Sure, I already only have about 15% lung capacity, and a slight gust of wind will peel my skin like a slice of processed cheese, and people tell me I usually smell like some odd sort of cheese. Hmm, I wonder if I have some sort of undiagnosed cheese related illness. Excuse me while I consult a specialist…”
But it’s not all fun and games for the local telemarketer/pharmacy M.V.P.
“Juggling what would be a lifetime worth of doctor’s appointments to a normal man every month with a full time job isn’t easy. Being incredibly frail isn’t all it’s cracked up to be either, I mean the slip and fall accident I suffered would have given anyone a healthy bruise, a senior citizen could have easily broken a hip. My bones are mostly powder so it’s off to another specialist for me.”
Most of Marvinson’s coworkers are supportive.
“In a day and age where people put the minimum effort into almost everything, here is a guy at the top of his sickness game, continuing to put the work in day after day. You’ve gotta respect that. Normally you hate to see a guy take a fall like that, especially at his age, I mean what is he, 70? The only bad thing is how much we miss him when he’s off sick or at the lung specialist or the stomach specialist or the arthritis doctor or the regular doctor or the dentist or the pharmacy. This place just isn’t the same without the faint smell of cheese in the air.”
So in a world that seems overwhelmed with problems, you can rest easy knowing that Irwin Marvinson is hard at work creating generational wealth for a small portion of the medical community. Not all heroes wear capes.